How would you describe yourself? Would you be analytical i.e. Black? White? Female? Are you abstract i.e. free spirit? existential? Hereditary i.e. Bajan Norwegian Parisian Hindu Muslim
I just find it interesting the way people describe themselves. Some people are short sighted and only see in themselves what other have labeled them (friends, family, teachers) and I feel that is such an unfulfilling way of life. Its devoid of self. These people hold themselves back from their god given potential. Then there are those who label themselves by titles; labels that they wear proudly and push around very haughtily. In a sense they are just as devoid as the latter mentioned but in this case once there are no more trophies, groupies or red ribbon cutting well, what are you then? Some people describe themselves by their occupation. And as I write this I pray they work jobs that suit them and bring them joy. There are few and far between that know the ugliness of their spirit and will tell you straight up "I'm crazy" "I'm a wolf". No comment on these... I don't know why I'm writing this perhaps because I feel as though society has collapsed into itself spiritually and as a result we live in a constant state of nostalgic living i.e. bring back old fads, nothing original being created). Older generations as fucked up as their times were knew who they were; they had a sense of purpose. Okay...here is the moral to this weird blog. You dont know who you are. You have to find out. Deep excavation and great adventures. Let parents teach you essential. Teachers teach your stepping stones. And everything else in the way of people, places and experiences make you who you are....no assistance from outside agitators....
I'm a sun burnt fallen angel trying to find my way home..... I guess that was the poetic way
Whilst on twitter today I tweeted I wanted to remake a song called "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon in my case it would have been "His Dick" but that is neither here nor there. A particular reader of my tweets direct message me (3 of them actually) tells me after this message she is unfollowing me because I sound so "well learned and poised" and rah rah rah and apparently me speaking on sex was too graphic for her sensitive lil eyes too see.... Thats cool because u shouldn't follow people u don't believe in and I don't need u anyway...The Soloist Wave Theory...I digress But people lets take this into consideration;
Are you honestly going to tell me that u believe everyone of these nerd, poet, preachers, activist, teachers and leaders dont got freak in them? Are they too good to bust a nut? Are u considered stupid if you have had an orgy (that bit doesnt relate to me)? Well I got plenty of freak in me...proud of it. Thats part of me. I read plenty books I got Fred Hampton and Malcolm X speeches on my ipod but Roxy Reynolds and Karrine Steffans are like...my idols What is the matter with being confident about your sex life? BTW-Don't misconstrue confidence with braggery. But apparently I must be a crass lewd and poorly educated person if I talk about sex freely If u feel that way kick rocks
"But they say you be on the conscious tip" "Get your head right and get up on this conscious dick I embody everything from the Godly to the Party It's he way I was raised on the southside safari so..."
-Common, Make Her Say
Cuz at the end of the day all I want to do is live free and f*** hard nah mean?
So you say its not bout the late night sex but still I hear restless sofa bed springs running criss cross between my earlobes under rockabye suns we lay like sultan and concubine wrapped into each others arms like winter scarfs breathe into each others face giving our eyelids cpr
Sometimes I get the feeling that when I look into the mirror I'm not staring at myself but sumthing else...its like my being is not really here. Its like I'm dreaming like right now...am I really writing this. R u here?
"It is better to travel alone than with a bad companion" -Afrikan proverb
Okay, sum bum bitch that doesn't need to be named because she is such a liar and lush asked if she could stay in my brib. I said yes. But then then she started to berrate my former manager. Bear in mind this woman has never invited me to an open mic, slam or let me feature at one of her shows. We know each other in passing. So if your an aquintance thats talking about one of my niggas I cant fuck wid you. It is that simple. So when she arrives in New York I'm ducking her calls thinking she would get the hint. She didnt.
I tell my bf why Im not letting her in my house. She runs back and tells the bum bitch why then I spent the Saturday before my show arguing over Twitter wid both these bum bitches. And one of them is probably reading this right now. Kick rocks ho
Cuz all of this drama could have been avoided if you had minded your business...yeah u dumb bitch and this time I'm not taking you back.
I don't want to be around negative people I dont want to be around ppl who put they business in the street I dont want to be around ppl who repeat shit I say to get sum kind of leverage over me, especially when I dont tell your business.... I especially dont want to be around users, haters, and wash up over hill bitches so ya'll can take care and get well soon
Backround information bout my grandma aka MUM 1) My grandmother always been a mover ans shaker (best bartender in Harlem) 2) My grandmother got bread enough to move her dimpled ass out of the hood but she won't 3) My grandmother goes to rehab because she has gout and she keeps falling down around the house and she is obese so she taking sum hard hit 4) My grandmother has never missed one month's rent at her residence
So why are these dirty bird niggas trying to kick my grandmother out of her house? Because apparently you have to be living in your residence 6 months out the year for you to continue to live there.... What kind of asshole threatens a 75 year old woman wid that? Who is your fucking mother.... Prestige Management dont know though that we have like the messiah of Jewish lawyers and he dont lose shit....so lets rumble bitch ass elderly bullying douchebags we ready
I was invited to be a dancer at a bachelor party...sumthing to that effect. And upon entry I knew I would b dealing wid dirty bird niggas. First off there were kids running in and around the party. And one 13 year old in particular kept patting my ass. I locked him in his room wid sum string and a hair (yeah I got skills). Second there was 3 girls to 25 niggas. So I would expect even under bum niggas expectation each would spend 15 guranteeing us at least 100 a piece. Oh no not these muthatfuckas. The 2 other girls I came with did a lesbian show and they made it rain...40 dollars...for them to split between them. I dont split my money and I dont lick twat. So I damn sure wasnt gonna shake dance for sum nigga pennies. Lastly and most shamefully...shorty who had been invited with me took it upon herself to suck sum trick dick in the middle of the floor in front of these dirty bird bum niggas. Yeah on her knees, sucking dick on that dirty roach infested floor in front of all those hoodrat niggas. She just stared at me. I stared back at her and as she complained about nobody wanting to tip her after that I asked her in my head,"Who is your mother?" "Why do you have 3 children?" "Why am I here?"...
BTW - the MAC and Digibox is on its way and I got tracks...ya'll know they gonna be fire stop bugging me ..cuz I dont want me being a stripper anymore either
It started out as an average eve in the hood. I was outside in front of the building looking for sum bud that isnt generic and weak and Im talking to my peoples Xavier and Anthony. Xavier I known since kindergarten literally. And Anthony just a god body sweetheart type nigga. Anyways Im gettn ready to roll up but I wanted to talk to Anthony in private so I asked X if I could borrow him. He said yes. So me and Ant in the brib gettn ready to smoke the best Sour ever..4real and I hear the smoke alarm go off all crazy. Now Im not a big fan of my neighbors and I knew that it wasnt mine since it is broke so we stayed in the brib until it got so annoying we went to Insoector Gadget the hallway. Low and behold the plastic exit sign is on fire, not no big thing. But big enuf for niggas not to touch. Then the cops come. We aint snitchin. Fire department come. We aint snitchin. 32nd precint detective. Knock. Knock. Knock. On the door. We told the officer that X was with us. So he might have seen who done it. 15 minutes later. After we spark up. Knock. Knock. Knock. On the door. Detective (who was cool cuz I know he was knocked over by the dour). "There are plastic signs all over ur friends floor that are burnt. We have to take him in...he could hurt somebody..." Word. Then they took Xavier away. And we laughed at his ass cuz that was sum dumb shit to do...no sympathy
Just off the strength of Im a style icon, I paint and those are just my side hustles. But pretty much all my friends are painters, poets, musicians, hippies, socialites, genius and holy folk (dont forget druggies and prostituteS) yeah man thus the alias Gia Warhol.
Yeah a really did cancel my orders from Sam Ash because Sweetwater sells the same shit for 20 less and has odds and ends that Sam Ash dont have. Im trying to do something new and different in music. I really feel like there isnt enuf time in the day time is flying...
Umm yeah...kinda split on this Kid Cudi retirement buisiness... I liked Day n Nite, shit is simple and true. The production is tight. Cant say dude is the wackest thing Ive heard compared to Soulja Boy and Fat Boy CO Rick Ross to name a couple. And one must remember how heads thought that Kanye was trizzy for the longest now he is a worldwide superstar. Now on the other hand I never listened to his mixtape but if you gonna let next people tell you how u livin or how you should be living you a bitch nigga...Homey got far. And to get that far you gonna hear people tell you your wack, lame and all the other who shot john but if u in the midst of stardom not realizing ur worth thats a hell of a deficit. I mean dude was on the cover of the XXL right? For all that he could have gave it up last summer...and let his spot go to someone a little more deserving but thats just me...smh at these lames
And truth be told my swag is Star Player. But upon seein "It's Pimpin Pimpin" Like lightbulbs went off in my head and I seen my name in mad bright lights.No lie its no secret to my friends and loved ones that I carry myself with a certain granduer and tell people more than often that I'm almost famous. I honestly believe it though.And I let sum lame niggas try to bench my star player because they was never in the game let alone the court. So last night mid coitus wid a NBA-esque block star I just happened to mentally evaluate my star player. I then knew without a shadow of a doubt what encompasses a star player. The quintessential attributes I should say. A star player is the shit to himself first foremost and always. A swagtastic vibrant cocky humble individual. Always fly eyes occasionally low. Stuntin with a new draft pick keeps a franchise player on the low. YES. Swag on star player. They cant play where you go. Mere bitch niggas Tryin to bask in your glow.
U know I was feeling sumthing like that lol thanx Katt.
Yeah Ima start blogging my process of making a small studio in the spare bedroom of my brib. Reasons being I just need my own shit. Everybody who let me rock for free is blowing up or already on it so they dont be in town like they used to. And I feel I would be saving money with my own studio as opposed to paying for beats and studio time with others. So yeah stay tuned for the next hoodcast. Passport situation saorting itself out
Remember when we used to wander up Lenox ave and I used to tell niggas listen for Charles Hamilton? I just wanted to let you know all them niggas that was telling me you was wack and thought you was gay last year is on your dick this year. Hard. Your the reason why I rap. You may already know this. I just felt it bared repeating lol
Congratulations Mr. Hamilton you did everything you said you would
Okay as I'm typing this I'm watching Lisa Lampanelli's HBO special and she is making one too many references about the black race particularly men including;
*I love that Oback Barama as the president he's black enuf too excite me but white enuf to show up on time and get the job done
*Why does she [Sarah Palin] have so many children...the whore,is she black?"
*"Is this your girfriend or your owner?"
"I can be in the black version 'Chicken Grease' "
"Everyone knows niggers smell better than farts"
Now naturally I'm very understanding of free speech but god damn. Just because something is funny doesn't mean it's not racist. Even when Paul Mooney or Chris Rock goes in on White folks he is tasteful. This bitch is raunchy, dumb, a bird basically. I'm not even going to say anything too brazy....I'm tight tho And you are asking yourself right now why I'm even looking at this aren't you? Fess up. The answer is that I'm looking at these professional looking Black folk in the audience feigning laughter and looking uneasy instead of having balls and walking out. Cuz a bitch like me would have thrown a Coach shoe at the heifer and ventured on the stage to get my footwear back. But thats just me and I'm just saying.
Random thought: Are all these performers that are popping up everywhere genuinely unique or are they just feigning individuality? Note: I love sum of the new artists out, sum I know in person. But they are genuinely into their craft then there are these little tenny boppper "bright myspace having" internet type stars that really draw attraction from the art. Its not,"Yo shorty had bars" its "Look at shorty jacket". Don't get me wrong I know that an essential rule of the "urban ent. world" is too always be fresh and clean (and I adhere to these rules with a tool kit) but there was a subtle nuance to it in generations past...its like an all day fashion show. And not for nothing but I would feel mildly insulted if an artist tried to win me over with bright jackets and sneakers. Now if the artists is genuinely talented he or she can wear whatever the fuck they want as long as they have pure intent. Perfect Example: Andre 3000 (the first rapper I wanted to marry, is that a Pisces thing? Ima ask Erykah one day). So the questions remains, where is the pure music and talent in the Industry of Cool?
I'm getting ready to be absent off of blogger,gs poetry, myspace and all of my internet watering holes. I have too much to tend to. Constellation of a Block Star. And the Boombox said,. I got shows in other countries that I'm so not ready for...physically and spiritual wise. Oh and there is the little issue of me finessing my MC game before the summer. And getting out of debt before my first show overseas in March. I need sum time to get my nuts and bolts aligned, you smell me? Like a couple of weeks or months. Don't worry though I'll be back...wid sum new shit...promise....
Those guys I did the song with...went with them to Training Camp @ Club Pyramid. I was part of the entourage,looking as sexy as I wanted to be. And I can take constructive criticism. But I felt like they was trying to come at my head and use me for my sexual prowess. My best friend's ex the CEO (Red Tape), and my ex is one of the rappers (Sin Blood). He the one in the white and black. And my phone never takes pictures at the right time.
So yeah. Sin and Tape actually give me encouragement. They tell me to work hard and have patience,stop being so eager. And they told me how I need to conduct myself in public. I liked that. They told me I sucked without telling me I sucked.
Them out of the way, just wanted to say I can't respect a nigga that tells me I got to suck and fuck the whole crew to get down....the 2 unnamed niggas. I don't do that. As sexually charged as I act and dress I'm not a ho, I'm not trading favors. I don't want to be Lil Kim or Foxy Brown. If my poetry is nasty. My bars have no choice but to get nasty. Cuz I feel like poetry is rap without the hook and the beat.
I know I ain't nice as Hov...yet. But I feel like I'm nice in my development. I just need to work on my delivery and my flow. I be aight. I don't know I guess they (un named assholes) thought by telling me I was trash I would be so upset and hungry to be on the team I would drop to the floor and suck their just forming dicks.
I ain't a booth rat bird. And just because they think that I should be I have to be the nicest.I have to be nicer. I have to be nicer. I must be the best. Number 1 because if you a female you got to work 500% harder....I won't lose...definitely not to them
Music brings people together in so many ways. Case in point I haven't talk to my ex boyfriend/ex fiance/ex fuck buddy (yes all one person) in like a month. All because my "best friend" wanted to get involved in my personal life. But anyway I happened to be featured on a track he was supposed to be on. I recorded it yesterday. He has been telling me "good work" since this morning (New Year's Day). Oh did I mention I was playin the part of a sexaholic? I was moaning throwing in sum choice phrases like...you gotta wait to hear the song. I actually did rap but because of time constrâints niggas cut 8 of my 16 bars. Why did that feel so good with him teaching me how to deliver? Why did he have be one mixing it down? Why it felt like old times? Why I love this little nigga so much? It felt good to come together about music besides the old why you fucking this wack bitch, why niggas in our business, beating each other senseless in the lobby and various different schemes we cook up together. All that smiling, directing, praising that shit was tight. I know its gonna be good this year
Any man who hits a female. I got into a fight with a derelic AIDS patient (no seriously) who wants to infect every chick in the 10 block radius of 145 and 7th. No blood was shed. Got some good hits in with a Ketchup bottle. Got lit up by Murda. Sexy joint out of 3 building. And the OGs getting in that ass tommorow. With industrial rubber gloves of course. Happy Fucking New Year's by the way
To be honest I like stripping. That's my shit. I like being on stage and entertaining and making people happy, so to speak. I quit and stayed jobless for like 3 months because I let certain parties guilt me into not wanting to do it anymore. And I'm not going to lie. I was starving in the streets. I went without a lot of necessities and forget about shit that I really wanted. And the types of things I like to do require mozarella. And I don't do nine to fives...was never really my style. Don't call me lazy...I prefer non conformist. I'm not a 9 to 5 person more like 10 to 2. Can't really take orders gotta do my own thing. If I wasn't stripping I would probably work at Barnes and Nobles. The literature would be worth being ranked an underling.
In any event this bit of the blog is dedicated to the haters
7 People Who Have a Worst Job than Being a Stripper
1) A doctor that administers vaccinations w/ known side effects to babies 2) A policeman who arrests 16 year olds for loitering and send them to bookings 3) The judge who sends a non violent drug dealer to serve his time with rapists and murderers, in turn teaching that man how to be violent and/or a killer 4) A teacher that feeds our babies propaganda bullshit in the public school system 5) CPS that doesn't do their job or wants to fuck with a family just cause.... I'm not even going to go there 6) The people who own BET for telling us we aint nothing but swingin chains, ass and gangsta rap 7) The "pass the bucket" minister who uses your donations to keep his plethora of rainbow colored gators maintained...
Flow 1: 36, Queens, Known him for a year, sugar daddy, in the street type of nigga, quiet, 1 child, got me pregnant, no type of emotion (he reminds me of Dexter), never had an argument
Flow 2: 19, Harlem, officially met in August, but he had been seeing me in the hood for years, spoiled brat turned bad, swagtastic, man whore, vane, Jamaican, stroke game is crazy, we b Ike and Tina
Flow 1's problem is that he don't know if he want to fuck with me on the long term or short term. Flow 2 feels a certain type of way because I'm a little older than him, and he cant get away with the shit that he does to young chicks as opposed to me. Flow 1 dissapears weeks on end. Flow 2 pops up with miscellaneous bitches to spite me when I piss him off (we both live in the same building) You know what? It don't even matter. I'm cutting both of them off. Flow 2 I been avoiding because I know how he move. So I can duck him forever unless he come to my door...Flow 1 kinda adheres himself to me. Calls me from different numbers trying to catch me up. Think I might just change my number...
Here goes the Why's
Why I always get these rough around the edges, chase their own death type niggas...why?...why cant I just get a rough neck that want to come home at night....Actually Sin was that...but anyway he fucked himself
Apparently he told my so called best friend the real reason why he "dealt" with me and it was a purely sexual thing....but thats a lie. He felt a certain type of way because she pressed him and he told her some dumb shit....
Why did this chick make an ultimatum regarding my relationship without telling me? Why ask the nigga, "Is you trying to fuck with Kiya or not because....."? Why is that her business?
I dead ass felt like she took away my choice. Then I blacked on him later that day...for something unrelated but the way I came across I think he knew why.
Poetry really does take you new and interesting places. Well new places. So for instance me being from Harlem I don't know nothing about Omaha Nebraska. Oh I'm lying it's the place Malcolm X was born and it was one of the main settings in the movie Belly. Lol. Besides that all I know of Nebraska is fields and shit. This poetry head hit me and asked if I wanted to do a poetry festival. I was excited. I like to keep my mind open. I like the country anyway. It's quiet. Peaceful. All things I need right now. Besides I like wandering in other peoples hoods. Makes me feel invincible. Too bad the festival is Summer 2k9. Fuck it something to look forward to
I'm going to the land of Riley (great grandmother's maiden name); Georgia. I'm staying with a friend in Atlanta. Really hope I get to go to Savannah. You already know I'm hitting all the poetry venues. 7 days and nights of shopping, eating, poetry and debauchery. A vacation coming at such a perfect time. New York iz driving me crazy!!! Its too much of everything I used to do before its boring. I love Harlem til the day I die though. The bodegas, 99 cent stores, EG, Dun's House, The Polo Grounds but I'm demanding a change of scenery.
I'm going to Paris in January but I need some travel aids before I go... 1) New laptop 2) USB cord for my camara 3) Massively obscene sneakers and jackets 4) "How to Speak French for Dummies" 5) Ipod 6) BlackBerry