A Love Note I Guess

I had this song in my Ipod I don't know how it got on there...

Then my friend Atum had sent me sum lyrics he said reminded him of me

It happened to be the same song

When you get a chance download and listen real trill shit





(Lyrics to Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix)

Well shes walking through the clouds
With a circus mind thats running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
Thats all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When Im sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
Its alright she says its alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything.

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing






***I WILL. AS FAR AS MY ARMS WILL CARRY ME!!!**

And in less than 12 hours of my first show

Listened to light of the life of crime like 60 billion times (totally enamored with the live band production)



Ate 3 bowls of Capt. Crunch and lit my ass on fire

Watching But I'm a Cheerleader



Want attention from.....I guess we getting along better (After the Ike and Tina rendition in the Lobby, the foyer and the damn incinerator room. Hey its not domestic abuse if he has a slick Harlem nigga mouth) sorry



Finished my outfit I look original to say the least



You like?




Got to smoke an L

Finish memorizing the verse lol (aint nothing change)

My Cuzo

just has a way with the ladies. But true or no doesnt Low look scared as hell?

International Playgirl Reformed? Nah...not happening

I cant stop humming this for sum reason...maybe becuase I'm ready for the tour...



Guess who coming to my show on the 20th?

The universe played a wicked trick on me last night. I'm not a downtown club person but listen. In a downtown club, on the humble, on a thursday night when I'm usually working...stands a motherfucker that looks just like Carlito. I mean this dude had his round ass head, with the wings on his back, short and stocky. I thought he was this dude so much I started looking at his teeth..crowded at the bottom, chipped and gapped at the top just like Carlito. But upon further inspection he had a scar on his face and he looked way younger like my age. But he he could have been dude twin. So I was just standing their starin at this asshole who had the nerve to look like my ex. I was staring at him so hard he actually turned right into my glance.

Then this dude had the audacity to follow me around and kept asking me to dance. I finally said,"Pa, I have been avoiding you all night because you look like sumone I used to deal with. Your face is literally hurting me." "Wow. Thats rough." he smiled and walked away...he kept looking at me the whole time. When he left he came up to me, gave me a hug and said see you around.

I could have cried. More so for the reason because me and carlito never officially broke up. I just stopped answering my phone for like 3 weeks. Then I blocked his number. After I put away the grudge I decided to call him for father's day (he has a daughter) and his phone was off. So I dont know how to feel. Definatlely not heart broken I dont do those. Its just a small voidness in my idle hours that manifest when Im reminded him...

I cant even drink Mo no more this is a sad state of affairs...

On Sleeping

Wise men say those who sleep on their backs are closer to their 7th circuit of conciousness...and to think of all my boyfriends who slept on their stomachs...And even the one who loved me the most who didnt...

Good Idea

Have you ever seen that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Shit was hot. For those who didnt see it it was about a couple who broke up and had a procedure administered that completely wiped out all traces of each other in their memories. Ironically they get back together (not really ironic but oh well) and roses. I dont want a fresh start I just want to erase person x from my memory. Everything reminds me of person x....pancakes...nightmare on elm street...moet...happy feet...summer...Hov...LIRR...The Entourage...red clam sauce...duffle bag boy...Coach..so not fair.

You know how thoughts just pop into your head. Its happening to me at the most inoppurtuned timed.

Private

Someone keeps calling me private. I dont know who it is I think it is one of 2 of my exes. So by process of elimanation I came to the conclusion that it isnt my ex joint from Queens its this dude I used to deal with. Wanna know how i did it? The person who called me was outside shorty in Queens stay in his house called him private and i couldnt hear nothign in the backround. So predictable.

Things I've Noticed in the Past 3 Weeks

1) The Ramones are the truth
2) Sum things dont change
3) Coney Island is still my favorite place in the world
4) I'm a tasty little pound cake
5) Writing is my calling
6) I got good quality friends (Judy D., Tersit, Lauren, Aja, Silky)
7) Life is sooooooooo good

Ding Ding Muthafucka

So this was the problem. My shorty went thru the painstaking process of calling me. Asking me why I aint want to see him before I left out of New York. Then when we supposed to see each other this asshole is M.I.A. then got the unemitigated gall to tell me that he slept all day because he partied so hard the night before (his homeboy and his wife on his bday...dont ask) He was so tired apparently he stayed aleep all day and did not have the strength to hit 2 buttons.
So when we finally spoke (the day I was fittin to leave) it was the 1st argument we have ever had in the duration of our relationship. I been dealing with him since almost around this time this year. And not one fight, argument not even a nasty look.
I'm vexed. I cried alot these past 2 days. I went out and brought alot of shit that I really did not have the money for, I wanted to spend that allowance money so I wouldnt have nothign to think about this weekend.
But I was trying to lay down before I wrote this and it was hard I could swear I could hear him call my name. (I know I may be crazy, telepathic or both) but I aint picking up the phone. I refuse. Because he was wrong. If I was a bitch I would "man up" about my transgression. He cant even give me the courtesy of telling me he apologize for being an asshole. And him above anyone else know my life in detail.

I'm not gonna let him get into the habit of acting simple with me. Because I dont like smacking niggas no more and I'm a lady. In addition I know for a fact this is how he like to test chicks (I do homework on all mines). And I aint calling him. Already deleted his ass out my phone book. If he calls he got to be house broken if he dont good riddance cuz I'm busy with my art any fucking way...

Didnt know I meant so much (lol)

ME: Hey pa
Him: Wats up
Me: I'm going to Howard University and if the lady thats booking me likes me Ima get at least 5 more shows
Him: So when u leave?
Me: Saturday morning at 5
Him: Thats wassup. Your hair straight? You got kicks?
Me: Yea pa I'm good
Him: Congratulations baby. I'm proud of you
Me: Thanx boo. Well, Ima run up the road and get Spaz (my sistren)
Him: Aight baby


30 minutes later


Him: How come you aint ask if you could come over before you leave
Me: U be BUSY! (sounds familiar no?)
Him: That aint no excuse, you going out of state
Me: Like you dont be going out of state without telling me
Him: I see you before I leave I just dont tell you I'm leaving (wow)
Me: Anyway I dont like asking to come see you and u tell me you busy. So when u want me to come see you let me know
Him: Thats foul. I'm strictly business 90% of the week
Me: Aight nigga so you wanna come over?
Him: Nah bitch you hurt my feelings
Me: You aint got none
Him: I got more than you know
Me: Whatever. you coming over? we can get sum Mo, Dre got that fire Sour and I got the new Black Street Hookers
Him: Dont try to lure me in wid porn
Me: Still love you
Him: Aight yo I'm coming thru tommorrow



There was way more to the conversation cuz we talked about 5 times today. He really felt some kind of way because I didnt ask to come see him. I usually dont ask anyway. I have been noticing a lot of the things is changing with this dude. He want me to stay all week when I come, he want me to stop stripping all of a sudden (it got more to do with one of his peeps coming to see me and press me, than anything else), and he usually keep his wallet open for me but if it has anything to do with my poetry he make sure I got it. He wants to give me money so I can go to the writing workshops at Sarah Lawrence but I dont want to take his money. I just want him (less asshole and more sympathetic)....and a little money lol

1230am

So I was entertaining last night and hubby calls me. I never got the call I swear my phone never rang. Funny though how last night I was saying to myself that I should just dissappear for like a couple of weeks and not tell him where I'm going. Not even a goodbye text.....that was around the time I got the call...that I didnt hear. And I'm sure your asking yourself where I'm going with this blog...wifey telepathy. I send sum kind of warning wave to this nigga and he know he got to call me or come see. This has happened at least 5 times, I'll just be sitting around having mad animosity for this man and then he will call. Usually saying somthing to the affect of are your mad with me? I just thought about you blah blah fucking blah.
I'm glad I didnt hear the phone ring. I think our only problem is he think I'm one fo these ride or die chicks they speak of in songs (no problem with cheating, content with spending money....) I can only ride for so long...and I'd only die for my baby father and he damn sure forfeited that right

Good Lovin (Cant Keep Still)

So I'm still high drunk and sick from yesterday






then the phone rings




C: Wats good? you aint talking to me?
G: Thought you wasnt talking to me
C: Hop in a cab yo I miss you
G: Miss me, thats it?
C: I dont like saying that word ma you know that (ref. love)
G: Saying it to too many bitches. Wearin yo tongue out...
C: Sound like yo mama....yo come over hear stop acting up




So I'm trying to be strong


G: Gotta go to work
C: You want me to reimbrse you for your time Relle (I know he gettin mad when he start calling me my gov.t)
G: Don't want your money



C: Watever ur problem is can we talk about it over here I aint seen you in a week
G: Who fault that?
C: I be BUSY!!
G: Aight I'm hopping in a cab (so much for the power of saying "no")

But I had to get flyy first so I got sum DCs




walk the dog




then I hopped into a cab




$31.50 later I'm in Queens

first we start arguing real slow and sarcastic like like we always do (no need to yell). Then I rolled a spliff to calm down. He start kissing on me. I ease off go into the kitchen pour sum Henny...needless to say we made up. He pissed me off tho, he admitted he cheated but he stopped after he got me pregnant like Setember-ish, that was around the time we started boning anyway. He pressed me if I had cheated on him and I told him the truth. But he knew who I was talking wid last summer cuz I told him, and there wasnt much sex, I was gettin sum good neck tho. And neither one of us thought it would last so last summer dont count, anyway.

G: What about them high maintenance bitches? (ref. Gucci and Channel clad bitches round the corner)
C: Yea what about them (disgusted like)
G: You aint never fuck them
C: No. They aint all that see them bitches on a Sunday morning when they trying to get they wig done. At least when you take your shit out u still look like a female...

After we had several interlocked conversation. We know where we at as far as fucking around on the side, who was fucked while we were together and neither one of us trying to do that (anymore, at least thats wat we said). I know when people be trying to mislead me. I know I'm the only chick that knows a reasonable amount of his info. I could go into what the title imples but I dont feel like explaining and I'm not posting any pics.

I love my baby.
Love is fucking war, I got the t shirt...